Depression

When it hits, i dont see a way of avoiding it. And if you can, then its not severe and critical or important enough to you.

Lets partition human into 4 divisions. Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual.

A well balanced person would have all 4 to be roughly the same, and developed to a certain extent.

When depression comes, all 4 divisions are cut short, and there is no way you can prevent it.

The first to fall is my spiritual well-being, followed immediately by my mental health, then emotions hit the depths of the ocean, and lastly your physical wellness collapses.

I am trapped, literally.

Is it my fault? Yes and No. Its just a growing process. Is it my fault when i fall down and hurt my knees as a kid? Yes and No, just a growing process.

Its only a matter of time before it comes to you. The sooner the better.

So prevention is not exactly a good thing, in fact it could be quite counter-productive. The issue is to acknowledge it and search for the cracks and fissures that have gone unnoticed in my character.

Digging for the truth.

It almost reminds me of peeling off onions, and while looking for the problem, I had to peel layer after layer to get there.

That is not an enjoyable experience, trust me, it isnt.

Given the issues at stake, and the lack of time, i had to speed things up and be ruthless at this process. Mine lasted for nearly the whole month, before i recover. I guess if i was not serious about it, its something i would be stuck with and the losses would be unbearable.

It was a mutilation, it was messy, it was horrible.

There's no shortcut to this, and on the first day i sensed it I straightaway run to God, and not the other way. I cannot imagine the consequences if I went the other way.

It took me 2 whole weeks to get my spiritual psyche on firm footing, there was enough tearing and cutting done by the Holy Spirit throughout this period of time, and it ended on my birthday.

Take it like a man, a man of God, i would say.

I was supposed to be on the road to recovery, but it was not that obvious or straightforward. It required alot of changes in my thinking pattern and learning the mastery of my emotions. This part is dealing with my character flaw, a tendency to be negative, cynical and suspicious.

Like i said, it was horrible, damaging both to me and others, and very very very gory. Its a mutilation. I felt my mind being patched up and fragmented and patched up again and again, and goes the same with my heart too. Thats the price i had to pay to fix things.

If this went on long enough, i will become insane!!!

It took 2 and a half weeks to resolve this, after making that very decisive and very painful phonecall, not knowing what will happen afterwards.

That includes confessing all the bad things.... and negative thoughts.....

So yeah, it was a rash move, so much risk, but it worked, i hope. (fingers crossed)
Well that was at least the impression i got, and i should trust that person for that, which i eventually did.

My mental state finally stabilized after that, knowing I am prompted mostly by gut feelings and raw emotions, not rational thought, and this must change too. I was thinking straight 1 or 2 days after my emotions are calmed.

And finally, throughout the entire period, i had lost enough weight that would make my sister jealous, haha. And right on the day when my mental state is getting well, it was the critical point of my physical health and it broke. I was down with cough and headache and fever for the next few days until now.

As you can see, it lasted nearly the entire month before i was back on track. But I am glad, it is finally over.

It goes with one full cycle before its over.

There is a closure now. A real and proper and good closure. My whole being is well now.